I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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