Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
