omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
