I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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