did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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