okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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