My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i came on her dog
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
