Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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