it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
