those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
