You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
