And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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