hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
