He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
