Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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