all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
