I accidentally burped into my bong.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
