I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize