I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
