The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
