Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
