I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize