I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
