you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
