I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
