You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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