I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
