Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
