Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
