Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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