hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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