drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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