smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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