Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
