It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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