in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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