I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
