Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
