new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
