What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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