I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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