I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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