Sry I called you an 8
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
