can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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