You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize