there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
