OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
