and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
