i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
