Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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