I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a search helicopter?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
